Question: My 14-year-old son recently announced that he wants to start lifting weights. I'm happy he's interested in fitness, but honestly, I have no idea where to begin. Is lifting weights safe for teenagers? Does he need a trainer, or can he start on his own? Between sports, school and our already busy family schedule, what's the best way to help him get started?
I can see in my mind how this interaction played out or at least one version of it. You get home after driving your son back from soccer at the end of a long workday. There was no time to change, so you're still in your work clothes, standing over the stove and trying not to get grease on them. Tonight it's mac and cheese and ham. Ham, because you know your teenage son will complain if he's "not getting enough protein."
The kids finally get off their devices and come to the table. You sit down, let out a big sigh, and for one second, you get to relax.
Then he asks, "Mom, can I start lifting weights?"
Your first thought is a good one. He wants to exercise. He wants to start something healthy. You're happy for him.
And then the questions come in a wave. Is it even safe for teenagers? Where do we start? And what should we actually do?
So you tell him the truth. "I'm not sure. I need to figure this out."
Let's start with your first question. Yes, it's safe. In twenty years of teaching and coaching middle and high school boys, I've seen that strength training done well actually protects them from injury. The American Academy of Pediatrics agrees, and the research has put to rest the old myth that lifting weights stunts a boy's growth.
As for where to start, the easiest place is understanding what's already around you.
Does his school offer a morning or after-school fitness program? If so, that's a big plus. There's no extra driving, and he trains alongside his friends, with adults he already knows and trusts.
Many sports teams have relationships with strength and conditioning coaches and personal trainers, with fitness activities built into practice time. If your son's team doesn't offer this and you'd like it to, gather a few other parents and ask the coach whether some strength training could be added to practice, even if it is just a few push-ups and lunges at the end. There's probably a mom or dad on the sidelines just waiting to be asked to do this.
Plenty of parents also gloss right over what's often right in front of them at the local rec center or YMCA, which can be a great low-cost option. A quick search will also show you the gyms and strength training facilities in your town and the towns nearby. Those facilities usually offer more options and more specialized coaching, but they come at a cost, some of it pretty steep.
Once you know the local teenage fitness landscape, you're ready for the next question. What should we do?
This is where I usually tell parents it depends, and it really does. For one, it comes down to your family’s schedule, meaning who's driving, which nights are already spoken for, and what his siblings need. For teenage boys, who often don't eat or sleep enough as it is, a new commitment can mean later dinners and bedtimes for everyone in the house. In addition, it’s worth looking at your son’s readiness for real structure or whether he's looking for social connections with his friends. Readiness also includes you, meaning how involved you want to be and what you can afford. Put those together, and one of four paths usually makes sense.
If your family's schedule is full and he isn't ready for anything formal, let him explore at home. Push-ups in his room, a pull-up bar in the doorway, a Sunday trip to the park for the monkey bars. Be encouraging, join him now and then, and see whether his readiness grows.
If your schedule is full but he's been asking the same question for months, look first to the school or sports team fitness options. In rare cases, an online coach can work here too.
If your schedule has more room and he's looking for fitness fun with his friends, try a local gym that does day passes, a trial period, or open gym times. But I wouldn’t fully commit to something long-term if he’s not looking for structure. You don’t want to get stuck with an expensive coach when he changes his mind.
If you have an open schedule and a son ready for structure, that's the ideal time for a strength & conditioning coach or personal trainer at a specialized fitness facility. Do your homework first and make sure the coach is certified and has worked with teenagers. The good ones will ask about your son before they ever hand him a program.
So the next time that question comes across the table, somewhere between the mac and cheese and the ham, you'll have a better answer than "I'm not sure." Take his question seriously. For a lot of teenage boys, getting stronger is where taking care of themselves begins.
Steve Kiely, M.Ed., CSCS, is the Director of Wellness Programs and Head Strength and Conditioning Coach at Boston College High School. He is the founder of Wellness Lit Fitness®, a wellness coaching and consulting firm for families with teenage boys. Get his free newsletter, Wellness & Fitness for Teenage Boys and follow @coachstevekiely